Your Most Pathetic Stories of... WHOA - that TOTALLY Worked!

"BLCKSTRM" (BLCKSTRM) 04/11/2016 at 16:31 • Filed to: Garage, Victory, BMW, Repair, Epic Save, Mechanic, Shade Tree, Win

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Sometimes, all the evidence points to just one thing. You do all the tests, and everything you do confirms your suspected diagnosis.

So you go to work. You get it fixed, button it back up, and... NOTHING!

Yup, like that time I replaced my rear wheel bearings only to find it was actually my 195k mile driveshaft failing

You weep, wail, gnash your teeth. Your S.O. doesn’t care (or at least won’t understand what happened). Your buddies can’t diagnose much over the phone, so they offer condolences and leave you to stew.

Which you do.

What did you miss?

Did you forget something, or screw something up?

You stew and go over the whole operation again in your mind.

As that fetid cauldron percolates, bubbles rise to the top and burst with the sweet, desperate smell of the “Grasping at Straws Last Ditch Effort.”

Skeptical but without any other good options, you give that last ditch effort a try.

And as if Saint Peter himself (the original “The Rock”) is there wrenching with you, a miracle takes place.

IT WORKS!

Here’s how it went down for me.

My car’s first clutch lasted almost exactly 100k miles. So at 204k on the clock (and after several track days and such) I knew I was living on borrowed time.

So it was no surprise when my clutch stopped working in the middle of downtown Austin on a Saturday morning last month.

Yes, in the middle of SXSW

Now, when I say “stopped” working what I really mean is it WOULDN’T stop working - wouldn’t disengage.

I managed to rev match / grind it and got the car home. I poked around online, and the sudden failure mode made me lean towards the actual clutch rather than any of the hydraulics (which tend to slowly go, giving you plenty of warning).

However, I’d mauled the old rubber line between the master and slave years ago when I removed the infamous CDV (Clutch Delay Valve) BMW started adding somewhere in the middle of the E36 production run.

And I’d seen a friend replace his clutch and pressure plate, only to experience one of those massive diagnosis errors. He got it back together and still no workie. We laid under the car and watched him clutch in, and his old rubber line was flexing and expanding like a birthday clown making balloon animals (except less creepy). We replaced it with a new braided line and it worked like a charm.

So naturally I went easiest first. I’d ordered a new braided line months ago, waiting for a time like this. I R&R’ed it, bled it well, but no change.

Furthermore, all the hydraulics seemed to be holding pressure, and there was no external leaking (which was my main failure mode), so I ordered up a new clutch.

Pressure plate.

Lightweight flywheel.

Throw out bearing.

Pilot bearing.

SSK (you know, since I was already in there).

New transmission shift pins, springs, and bushings.

I mean, you might as well while the transmission is out of the car, right?

This is where those shifter pins (and bushings) go. Textbook example of the slippery slope of, “well, while you’re there, you might as well...”

And while I have access, I might as well replace my rear main seal, selector shaft seal, and the input and output shaft seals, right?

Oh, look, with the transmission out those hard to reach, 20-year old heater hoses are easy to get to.

Well, I suppose “easy” is a relative term

And hey - my starter is ALSO 20 years old, and just hanging there by a wire. (Speaking of the starter, getting the last stripped bolt loose from the bellhousing was a heroic save, but a story for another time).

Grand total? Far more than a normal person should have spent on a 20-year old car.

But it was a complete refreshing, and I didn’t have any abnormal trouble getting it all back together.

Until the moment of truth.

Transmission in, slave reattached.

With the car in gear, I had my daughter push in the clutch while I tried to rotate the transmission output flange by hand.

No dice.

I talked it over with some friends while I ran some Saturday errands, and came to the only conclusion left - it must be the hydraulics, and since the slave wasn’t leaking, it must be the master.

Epic fail, right?

After two full weekends already, I wasn’t ready to start on replacing the master cylinder late on a Saturday afternoon.

So I wallowed in my defeat.

As I sat there dejected, I couldn’t help thinking that a simple bubble in the system would give me all the same symptoms of failed hydraulics.

Despite having already thoroughly bled it, I didn’t see any harm in trying to bleed it again.

I opened the bleed valve with some pressure on the system, and a HUGE air bubble came out.

I couldn’t believe my eyes, and more than that, I started to hope that maybe - maybe - I actually did this.

Clutch test for the second time... VIOLÁ!

The miracle!

IT WORKED!

Safely back on the ground

Through research, hard work, and no small measure of luck, I as able to pull this out when it seemed all was lost.

I did it, and I’m sure you’ve done it.

Tell me your best story of when you snatched Victory from the jaws of Defeat.

EL_ULY > BLCKSTRM 04/11/2016 at 16:41

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WOOOOO Same car! (sold tho).

I did the same job a week after buying mine. Throw out bearing was a bitch to get out but pretty smooth repair all in all. Mods included a AFR stage 2 intake (540i MAF) Remus exhaust, UUC bushings, e36 convertible X bar, UUC sway bars, front and rear strut braces, and other random things I can’t remember.

BiTurbo228 - Dr Frankenstein of Spitfires > BLCKSTRM 04/11/2016 at 16:45

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My mate recently spent bloody ages trying to get his 106 GTi to start. Checked all the usuals. Sparking well. There was fuel at the filter. Pump was whirring. Fuel at the rail. Still wouldn’t start.

Ordered another ECU as that was what died last time it wouldn’t start but to no avail.

We thought long and hard about that but couldn’t think of anything that would be causing it. My bets were hedged with a crank position sensor.

Turns out. It was just low on fuel and parked on a slope.

Morons.

Nibbles > BLCKSTRM 04/11/2016 at 16:45

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OK, so, one time Randy Beaman’s cat ate this fish from the fish tank but the fish was a piranha, it lived inside the cat forever, and the cat became Piranha Cat.

wiffleballtony > BLCKSTRM 04/11/2016 at 16:47

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I've found that gasoline helps the car move forward when it will no longer move forward and not make noisey car noises.

BLCKSTRM > EL_ULY 04/11/2016 at 16:48

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It blows my mind how different it is every time.

My throw out bearing literally fell out, but I had a terrible time getting the starter to come loose.

Sounds like it was a good car, with the right improvements - I hope it went to a good home!

BLCKSTRM > EL_ULY 04/11/2016 at 16:49

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Just noticed your plates - I just moved to Austin from Dallas. Where are you?

gawdzillla > BLCKSTRM 04/11/2016 at 16:50

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have to star you

Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig > BLCKSTRM 04/11/2016 at 16:51

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When we replaced the transmission on my WRX , the clutch was still pretty new, so I didn’t opt to replace it. None of us had ever replaced a transmission before. When it came time to bolt the new one back into place, we slid the input shaft in through the clutch and it just stopped, about half an inch short of home. Did we need more pressure? Did we need to rotate it? We tried everything, and nothing was working. Finally we backed it out and I felt around in there to find that the pilot bearing had slipped out into the path of the shaft. I slid it back into place, and the rest of the job went (semi) smoothly.

BLCKSTRM > BiTurbo228 - Dr Frankenstein of Spitfires 04/11/2016 at 16:53

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Lol - not cool!

Sounds like a candidate for Tracy’s misdiagnosis article!

EL_ULY > BLCKSTRM 04/11/2016 at 16:54

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In Houston but I got it (for $1,800 dealer trade in special) when I lived/worked in San Antonio. I sold it here in Houston to a 16 year old from Colorado. Flew in and drove it home with his dad. It was in very good shape. Straight up Wheeler Dealers’d it for $6,500

BLCKSTRM > Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig 04/11/2016 at 16:55

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Nice - now THAT’S what I’m talking about!

Nice save!

itranthelasttimeiparkedit > BiTurbo228 - Dr Frankenstein of Spitfires 04/11/2016 at 17:09

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Haha I did the same thing w/ my e39. Finally towed it to the mechanic, took them 5 mins to fix...

rjc1629 > BLCKSTRM 04/11/2016 at 17:46

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So I’m in the middle of a clutch replacement on my 96 Camaro SS. It’s time to get the old pilot bearing out of the crankshaft. I went and rented a pilot bearing removal tool and a slide hammer. I get everything tightened down and start the hammering. I’m doing this all on my back in my garage. After about 15 good pulls, nothing is happening. I figured I would give it one more pull... big mistake. On the last pull, the puller slipped out of the bearing and the entire slide hammer goes flying right into my face. I run inside gushing blood to discover that my tooth is now sticking through my lip. After going to the ER, and waiting a week or so to heal up, I decide to try another way.

I had read that you could stuff a piece of bread into the bearing hole and compress it using the clutch alignment tool and a hammer to force the bearing out. I figured there was no way this would work. It was getting late and I was out of bread, but had some moldy english muffins lying around. I stuffed one in and with about 5 good whacks with the hammer, out pops the bearing.

Life lesson: Bread won’t send you to the ER... always use bread.

Camshaft Chris: Skyline/McLaren/Porsche Fanboy > BLCKSTRM 04/11/2016 at 17:48

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Mine’s a pretty dumb one. My very first car was 1995 Mitsubishi Eclipse RS 4speed slo-matic. At one point my transmission started shifting very roughly, out of nowhere. My uncle happened to be working in the parts department at the local Mitsubishi dealership at the time, so he had one of his buddies in the shop take a look at it for me. Turns out the transmission computer had gone bad. $2o0 and a new TCU later, everything’s running smoothly.

About a year later, same shit happens. Without hesitation, I know what has to be done. But, Mitsubishi has now stopped making the TCU. I search everywhere for one to no avail. Then, right before I’m about to leave for vacation, one appears on ebay. And where is? It’s in a small place about 30 minutes outside of Orlando, which is where I happen to be going on vacation! The car gods have shown favor upon the meek DSM! So, I get my grandfather to drive me to the dealership while we’re on vacation, spend my $200 again, get the computer, and enjoy the rest of my vacay.

Get back home, install the computer, and take it for a test drive. Well, that’s weird. No changes. Still shifting like I’m hitting potholes every time. I check all the wiring, make sure everything’s connected on the transmission, nothing seems out of place. An hour or two later, my dad comes out, takes one look at it, and pulls out the transmission fluid dipstick. It’s bone dry... Five quarts of fluid later and it’s smooth as butter again. My dad hasn’t let me live it down since. That was 10 years ago...

BLCKSTRM > rjc1629 04/11/2016 at 17:50

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That is a FANTASTIC story.

I saw one of those videos (with wet paper towels) when I was researching my clutch job.

Glad it worked!

revrseat70 > BLCKSTRM 04/11/2016 at 18:28

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When I was in highschool, I worked in an import speed shop doing odd jobs. I saved up to get my first car, with which I made the mistake of adding boost and supporting mods to. Anyway, I was driving to school one day, music blaring (because highschool), and my car started to cough and die. I couldn’t diagnose any noise because of the music, so I pulled it over, fearing the worst, and called a friend to give me a ride to school. My parents were AAA members, so they had it towed to an AAA approved dealership. At lunch, I received a call from that dealership saying I didn’t have compression in two cylinders, and should expect a $9k engine tear-down or possible replacement. As this was well over half of what I paid for the car, I called the shop I worked for to send the truck and run the same test. After school, I caught a ride to the shop, only to find them running the compression test. Extremely healthy numbers. I spent the next hour or so chasing ideas. It would idle, but the second throttle was applied, it would die. I decided to check the fuel pump. It was bone dry. Somehow, the float in the gas tank got stuck at half a tank of gas, and the tank was just empty. What a relief! I took the results to the dealership and demanded my money back for their fake results.

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > BLCKSTRM 04/11/2016 at 18:44

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I’ve done too many clutch jobs on E36s

RyanFrew > BLCKSTRM 04/11/2016 at 19:03

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I spent two days replacing pulleys, tensioner, and the belt on my ‘05 Mini Cooper S. No, it shouldn’t take that long, but I lacked the proper tools and the entire engine had to be lifted out of the car to make the swap. So, I finally finish, and need to get the car back on its 3 motor mounts. I get the first one in with no problem, and then spend literally hours trying to get it lined up for the second one. Finally, exhausted, I complete that. Now, I need to attach the third mount, which is under the car, by the transmission. The mount is a good 2" inches under where it should connect to the motor. Fuck. How am I supposed to wiggle the engine around from down here? My buddy comes down to see how it’s going and takes a look.

“Got it” he announced proudly from under the car, to which I responded with complete disbelief.

In my exhaustion, I didn’t realize that the third mount was hinged. So, with one finger, my buddy just rotated the mount up to the engine, and slid the bolt through.

ThePenguin > Nibbles 04/11/2016 at 19:06

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I’m so confused I’m going to give you a star and tell you drugs are bad m'kay?

BLCKSTRM > RyanFrew 04/11/2016 at 20:22

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YESSSS!

Awesome story! (And nice save, too!)